Have you ever had days where your mind has raced all day and your body is weary and restless all night and you just can't seem to find sleep? That is sort of where we are right now. I've been praying for the peace of God. The peace that says, no everything is not alright at the moment, it doesn't feel right, it doesn't look right, but in the end it's going to be alright. In the end regardless of the duration of time, we win and will have the good report. Is it good now, not necessarily, but it will be.
We've found ourselves in this place before, trusting and totally relying on the Lord to see us through a situation. Spiritually I'm holding on to what I know he can do. In my physical state, I've had moments of being a total wreck. I've cried and been overwhelmed by it all. It is natural and it's not saying "God I don't trust you". God is looking at and is moved by our faith. Our faith tells us that he is the same God that he was when he healed the sick, walked on water and raised Lazarus from the dead. He is still performing miracles and is still in the business of healing the sick and turning situations around. That is where our faith lies. It's very difficult to understand certain situations and things you'll have to go through and endure, but we are here for the duration, essentially to fight for life.
It's hard for me to frame up how things are going to be, so we just take it one day at a time. We trust the Lord and I'm reminded of the constant struggle and adversity we faced with having children. Loss after loss after loss. During that time I couldn't even look at it in stages and phases of weeks or trimesters, I had to seek the Lord on a daily basis and literally just thank him for what was going on in that day. I've been disciplined enough to know the importance of having hope and being motivated by what I know God can do, but we have to live in today and thank him for what he does each day in this process. This is going to be a process. It's going to require more than just us. Quentin and I are fiercely independent people. We have to learn through this process to accept help. It's not that we don't need it, it's just that we are so used to relying on each other and pushing through a lot of things good, bad and indifferent via one another or a much smaller group of resources and people. If what we've seen over this short period of time is any indication of the tremendous love and support of friends and family, then we are going to be just fine.
Everything is going to be fine. The God that allowed us after 6 failed pregnancies to have 3 beautiful children is the same God we serve today. God said he would 'never leave us or forsake us' and we are clinging to that truth. I would lay down my life for my sweet girl, but that is not my reality. My reality is, I have 4 beautiful children who are all living today and one is just not as well as she could be, but we are trusting, believing and holding on to the promises of God.
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.